Saturday, June 11, 2011

Back in the Swing of Things

I do realize it has been a few fortnights since I last blogged, or as I like to call it Blitzkrieg Blog named after that swinging musical ensemble the Ramones, so I thought I would throw a little post up here to update y'all on the events thus far; as we continue down this road we call Summer 2011.

Well after entering into an early retirement in May, I spent my time bettering myself on the golf courses of the Flathead Valley, shooting shotguns and clay, as well as being the mench kind of person I am on ol' Conrad Point.  As good as this life was, it was time for me to move on and think about what I will do with the rest of my life--while retirement was good at the age of 22, I think I need to at least do something more until say, 30.  But before we go to the rest of the story, let us pause for a quick story about retirement--let us call this Memorial Weekend.

Just as any other Memorial Weekend would entail, this was the same as others: golfing 18 holes on our golf course, shooting a couple hundred shells, having a North Dakota-style Throw-back party and preparing for the Great Flood of Flathead.  Well really, that was the weekend in a nutshell.  Lots of friends and good times.  However, there was one evening when we were coming from a fabulous meal at the Zoo when we stopped by a Legend of Lakeside: Miss Tami's Shortbranch, home of High Pockets Tami.  While sitting at this lovely lounge in the heart of Lakeside, we came across a heavy-set gentleman, that goes by the name of Harry, haling from non other than Cardston Alberta.  Harry (a financial planner) was in the Valley for the weekend with his girlfriend (roughly the same age, shall we say 54 with a standard deviation of 2.8 years) and the girlfriend's stepdaughter (let us also say she is a bit larger and in her mid to late 20's--the typical kind of gal you may find at say MSU Billings).  Harry was telling us that once he hits the US Border, he becomes an immediate alcoholic due to the feasibility (if you will) of purchasing alcohol, and gradually works his way to the cabin he stays at on Flathead.  No matter what time he leaves Canada, he still always ends up at the cabin just after 2am, as he HAS to stop at every bar along the way to have a cocktail or two.  Now, let us think about this for a minute:

According to Google Maps, the mileage from Cardston Alberta to Lakeside Montana is roughly 131 miles via Going to the Sun Road.  Now Going to the Sun is quite heavily buried in 20+ feet of snow still, so that rules out Harry making the trip in 3 hours and 12 minutes.  Scratching Route A, we now move to Route B--via the lovely town of Browning MT, home of the Blackfeet.  And according to Professor John Mariam, who I had the delight of studying Native American Studies with this past semester at University, the Blackfeet were one of the last tribes to adopt the horse, which upon doing this, hunting, gathering and travel were made much easier (just a little bit of history I thought you may enjoy...).  In looking at the tribe today, shall we say they have moved over to dogs?

Route B is roughly 189 miles, clocking in at 4 hours and 1 minute.  In talking with Harry, we gathered that he left Cardston at roughly 12pm, Mountain Standard Time.  Now if Harry and his entourage came straight to Lakeside, he would have been passing by Glacier Bank of Lakeside at roughly 4:01pm.  Wrong.  It was 10pm in the evening when we met Harry.  You  do the math on that one--he had made some stops to say the least.  And the Shortbranch, that is not the last bar out of Lakeside, in fact there are 5 more before you exit: Joe Bloggz at the Conoco/DQ, the Spinnaker, Finns at the Exxon, the Homestead and Tamarack (another small bit of info, just in case you wanted to know...).  I feel good about saying Harry made at least one more stop before exiting Lakeside and traveling to Deep Bay.

Well we chatted with Harry a bit about what he was going to do while he was in the Valley for the weekend.  His plans were quite simple, and it sounded as though Harry was going to have a good time.  He did want to make sure he made a stop by JC Penny's as he can get his XXXL shirts there for much cheaper than in Canada--that is TRIPLE extra large (this will help you paint the picture a little better of the mench guy Harry is).  In fact, Harry is well aware of the shirt selection and quoted us a price of $14, just in case you were in the market.  Give me a call--I can send you some more info once I complete my full research analysis on the topic.  Meanwhile, we had been talking with Harry's Girlfriend's Step-Daughter and felt she needed to go chat with our good friend Jamie who was with us for the weekend, voyaging from Big Sky.  Jamie was across the bar talking to his sister on the phone, when he was interrupted by Harry's Girlfriend's Step-Daughter.  She was quite interested in Jamie and must have also thought he was a standout guy, as we all know he is.  I must also say, we may have mentioned he was a good snuggler...that may have helped out the situation.  While talking with Harry's Girlfriend's Step-Daughter, Jamie began to feel uncomfortable.  To make a long story short, Harry's Girlfriend's Step-Daughter felt, shall we say passionate, about Jamie...while Jamie was in distress until my gracious mother kindly saved him from the situation.  Upon talking with Jamie, he told us of the quote Harry's Girlfriend's Step-Daughter shot at him: "I want to destroy you in the bathroom".  I apologize if this was a little harsh, and trust me, I like to keep my blogs at a PG level, however I felt this was needed to fully depict the story.  Well Jamie was not too happy with us, but he would soon move on.  (One more piece of info that I would like to pass on is, Jamie soon contracted pink eye in both eyes and came down with a very serious head cold.  Needless to say, the Valley worked him over that Memorial Weekend.)

It was then time for us to move on and say our goodbyes to Harry, Harry's Girlfriend and Harry's Girlfriend's Step-Daughter.  Well, Harry's Girlfriend was in the casino gambling (didn't talk to her as we exited) and Harry's Girlfriend's Step-Daughter was missing (bathroom???) and frankly, we just told Harry we would be back in a bit...which was false, as we never did return to "catch up"--is it possible Harry is still there waiting for us?  I sure hope not, but as I type this, I begin to wonder if I should go check to make sure.  To be continued...

Well that was just a small sampling of one of the many good times that were had that Memorial Weekend, as well as many others thus far at the Lake.  So far many golf balls have been lost, countless tennis balls have been lost in the woods or the lake due to the dogs, many clay targets have been lost and some souls have been lost...well, not really, but some may have been briefly hurt (example: Jamie).  But hey, that is what it is all about up here in the 48th parallel!

So now that I am done with the retirement thing, I have taken a position as an intern for DA Davidson for the summer, where I will soon be relocated to Great Falls to post-up in the Staybridge Suites.  With this being said, if anyone is in the area, make sure to look me up or send me a message on this new and exciting tool I was recently introduced to: Email.  Get more mailman, we can now send "mail" via the telephone lines and have immediate and direct delivery.  Once you dial up, you're set--mail all the time!  What will they think of next???  House phones you can take with you when you leave way?!

As I close out this blog, let me leave you with a few more pieces of info that I have picked up along the way in retirement:

--The Flathead is in fact located in the 48th North parallel, not the 44th as I was led to believe.  (note this...and do not name a Porsche "44 North" as a "cute" name for driving in the Valley
--Outlook Express 2011 is not a difficult program to operate or navigate, however I was still given a 60 minute tutorial on this "difficult" task
--Neighbors that tell you they do not like to leave home much as they don't want to drive their car because it "pollutes the beautiful environment" tend to be quite strange and hermits.  They also do not care for Carl M. Nystuen or his two black labs who use to frequent a running trail near their home, until an encounter with BethAnne regarding Napp Weed led to the dismissal of the 315 Conrad Point residents.  Soon to follow, the 527 home of the Patyk's were asked to leave
--Instead of buying sandbags in the Flathead, you can actually save money by purchasing 44,000 pounds of sand from Bozeman and have them sent up explain that one
--Anyone who has ridden in more than 1,000 cabooses for a period of 30 years or more can often be the wrong person to strike up a conversation with.  I strongly urge you to not partake in this one

1 comment:

  1. I am VERY interested in these "XXXL shirts" you speak of