Monday, August 8, 2011

Equal Opportunity Household: Andrew Helder

In an effort to address another view on this, blog, I have decided to outline/spotlight a number of different people that I have interacted with and/or witnessed in this life I live, filled with Great Falls, studying and running too much...

So really, I am going to attempt to spotlight some different people throughout the next few weeks.  Some of these people you may know, some may be strangers to you and some could actually be you.  It is important to stress, the views and opinions I will put forth for each person at 100% accurate and illustrate the individual just as they are.  That's the thing about the little "segment" I am putting together, the now bullshit clause (which I will refer to as the NBSC).  I suggest you take all these views and considerations into context from this point forward. 

To begin the segment, I give you: Andrew Benjamin Ross Helder

Many of you may know Andrew, and as many know, I know Andrew quite well.  Andrew has been my roommate and tenant for the past 4 years, along with the "guy" that takes care of many of the duties I accumulate.  In the past, Andrew has had many different names.  Some of them include:

-"Andrew Helder and Company or Andrew Heldertight" as seen in my phone

To give you an idea of Andrew, let me expand for a moment on some of the things I have had Andrew do for me over the years.  Now I am not saying he takes care of all my personal matters, but when you look at it, he does take care of quite a few things.  And when I say take care of, he makes it happen.  Instance:

Scenario (A): Carl departed for College one semester, while Andrew remained in high school (we won't go into why he was still in high school while everyone departed for college....) so I contracted Andrew to mow approximately 25 lawns a week for my clients.  Andrew didn't have the best time doing this, he did have a few issues with keeping the bagging device together, but overall, he took care of that gig.

Scenario (B):
Rock chip: Carl
Who get's it fixed? Andrew.  How does he do this? He steals my identity with the insurance company.  Success.

Scenario (C): Andrew has gone to bed at 11:30pm.  Carl is up getting some food and notices the front porch has fresh snow piling up.  Feeling this snow needed to be shoveled, Care inquired with Andrew as to why he had not cleaned it off.  His response: he was in bed.  Carl then SMS texted approximately 32 people instructing Andrew to get up and shovel the porch.  Andrew fulfilled the request. 

Scenario (D): Carl and his contingent were looking to attend a concert and felt a driver was needed.  The solution, hire Andrew, along with the rental of a 15 passenger van, to drive the contingent for the evening. 

Overall, Andrew is a mench kind of guy.  He looks at the big picture and finds a way around it.  I would say he is very into beating the "man" and looking for an alternative that will sit well with some, while at the same time upset many.  There have been many events/times that I have personally witnessed the best and the worst of Andrew, where each time some good decisions were made, and some poor ones were made.  The consequences?  I don't think any really.  Sure some bridges burned, but he's getting by right now. 

I went a little further and asked a few people to give me their views on Andrew.  In a recent interview with highly accredited and research specialist Patrick Casey, Patrick could only say the best about Andrew.  "He is a very influential guy that I enjoy being around.  Sure there are the times that I would like to drown him (light bulbs) but when it all boils down, he does good things.  I would say I am most intrigued with his ability to fake disguises, and be someone he really isn't.  I plan to ask Andrew to be the godfather of all my children, and I plan to have at least 14."

Further, I spoke with the gas truck driver for Cenex Harvest States, who got to know Andrew the last two summers while delivering gas to Andrew's place of work: the Docks in Lakeside MT. "Andrew was a good guy.  I didn't really talk to him too much, but when I did, he could really carry on a conversation.  You don't come across many guys in this business that have the abilities Andrew had when it came to pumping gas.  Don't get me wrong, it isn't that tough to do and I am sure anyone could do it, but Andrew really knew his way around the pump.  I mean hell, he could dock, fill and clean a boat all at the same time.  I'm still not sure how he does it, but I do think he may be some sort of a wizard.  I do plan to ask Andrew to marry my daughter, Abigale, when she returns from her mecca to Cuba."

And in a final interview, Seth Grossman gave me his own to cents on Andrew.  "I don't like him." 

I would like to thank my special guests for their opinions and input in this spotlight session.  Their views and concepts are NBSC and really outline the qualities and capabilities of Andrew.  In closing, I'd like to give you a few more closing facts that really give my interpretations of Andrew:

-I have nearly killed Andrew a number of different times, some of which included fireworks (two times), passing cars on Hwy. 93, boating, skiing and directing objects in his general direction
-If a knife were to be pulled on Andrew, he really wouldn't flinch too much.  It has been done a time or two to say the least
-There was one instance where I zip tied Andrew to a log at our lake house so he could not move, then knocked a bee hive on him from above.
-One day while skiing 3 people behind the boat, I subsequently jumped on Andrew's rope forcing him to fall face first and curse my name upon Flathead Lake
-Andrew has been told many times to "lay off the hooch" which in fact is 100% accurate
-When it comes to computers, Andrew knows them.  Often times too much.  He will mess some shit up on those things
-If you find Andrew doesn't like you, you might as well quit right then.  He isn't going change his me. Just ask a few people he has encountered in Bozeman

Continue to check back, further spotlights will be done later this week.  Do, enjoy.

Andrew Helder

No comments:

Post a Comment